Dear Sir,

Never in a million years would I have predicted that such an ordinary beginning would evolve into what is presently so. For so many years, you were simply my friend, and not a particularly close one at that. It’s amazing how much can change in four short months.

A little over four months ago, you contacted me out of the blue, and I was a bit surprised since it was so random. Then you invited me to meet you for a few beverages so that we could gripe about our respective jobs and chill out. As I got ready that evening, I admit, I did not take extra special care. Yes, I wanted to look nice since I was going out on a Saturday evening, but no, it wasn’t necessarily for you. As far as I was concerned, it was not a date. I was just meeting a friend for some beers. We chatted easily and laughed freely. Then, as you walked me to my car, you did something that completely stunned me – you leaned over and kissed me. And I kissed you back. As we stood there on the sidewalk, the world seemed to fade away. And yet, as I drove home that night, I excused it away due to drinks.

A few evenings later, we celebrated your birthday with cake and more laughter. And more cake. And that’s when it began…

The sweet text messages, surprise campfires, cuddles and hugs with just the right amount of squeeze. The way that you reach for my hand in your sleep makes me smile like a teenager before I can help myself. A cake baked for me and thoughtfully planned out to surprise me at the just the right moment. A random note on my windshield just to say “Hi.” A concert and fireworks while snuggling on a blanket at the symphony. When you place your hand on the small of my back after opening a door for me. All of these things and more have led me to do something I haven’t done in years.

I’ve opened my heart again, and it terrifies me in ways that you can not imagine. I know that you’ve been hurt deeply. There was a sadness in your eyes for a long time that was heartbreaking to see. I too have been hurt deeply, and I understand if you feel hesitant or even scared to get close to someone again. Believe me when I say that I had no intention of doing so either. But in getting to know you and spend time with you, my heart has begun beating stronger, faster, and shined more brightly than it has in a very long time.

You see my face, but what you don’t see, Sir, is that over the past few months, you have won my heart- a slightly tarnished, yet rare prize indeed. You probably don’t even realize it because I haven’t told you. I keep trying to tell myself that I’m looking for the “right” time or way. The truth is that I’m scared to because I don’t wish to pressure you or even worse, watch you walk/run like a bat out of Hell away. Pragmatically, I know that my life would go on should this relationship cease to exist. My heart, however, would never be the same.

Someday I will tell you. Or perhaps you will tell me. Either way, you have my heart in your hands. If you choose to keep it, please treat it with great care and love. If you choose not to, please gently hand it back to me so that it may not be dropped and keep beating.

Love, Me

I randomly came across that entry that I had saved from my old blog. It was originally written in September of 2014, four months after Russ and I began dating. It was still a fairly new relationship, and we were taking it slowly (or trying to) because he had kids – kids that I already knew and loved from a different facet of my life. This May we will celebrate our 11th year as a couple. Back when this was written, I couldn’t have even begun to imagine how my life would look today. Have there been challenges? Absolutely. No life is all sunshine and rainbows all of the time (unless of course you are continuously strung out on hallucinogens). But as I sit here this evening in our living room, I can’t help but smile. Russ has the March Madness basketball games on, Sandy is all stretched out on the carpet, and Juli is hiding from Hops in a postal bin. In this moment, things are as they should be.

And for that, I am thankful and blessed.